4 Tips for Being a Tool in Thailand (What Not To Do)

So you’ve just landed in Thailand on your first trip overseas and you’re pumped! And so you should be, Thailand is a hub of excitement along the backpacking trail and a perfect place for backpacking newbies and seasoned veterans alike.

It’s a country full of adventure, cultural experiences and other travelers, so naturally you’re chomping at the bit to get stuck into it. But before you hit the road you should have a think about how you want to be perceived along the way. Are you going to be the culturally aware traveler, or the tourist who treats this new country like your own personal playground?!

To hell with all that, you’ll do what you want! You’ve earned this trip, so no one is about to tell you what to do. Forget the local’s advice, here’s the only tips for Thailand travel you need!

Koh Phi Phi travelelrs

Treat the Whole Country Like a Beach Resort

You’ve been lazing about the beach for the last week, working on your tan and now it’s time to show it off. Board shorts or bikinis have been your main go-to since you arrived, and you’re not about to change that for anyone. Rock up to that Wat or sacred temple baring more skin than a Miley Cyrus video clip, the Thai people won’t mind. Surely they’re used it by now.

Ride a Scooter Like It’s a Toy

Back home your country works tirelessly to reduce the road toll by enforcing strict rules like drink driving, wearing a helmet and such. But hey, you’re on holidays and in Thailand now, none of that matters anymore. It’s not like Thailand has the highest road tolls in the world anyway (actually it’s ranked 2nd), so why should you worry.

Forget about protecting that head with a helmet, you know how to handle the chaotic roads of Bangkok or the anarchic give-way system at roundabouts. Take the scooter to a bar, down a dozen shots and then drive home. Surely all those other bandaged travelers just don’t know how to ride as good as you!

scooter accidents in Thailand

Assume No One Speaks English

You’re in a foreign country, so naturally no one is going to understand English. Forget the fact that English speaking tourism has dominated the country for decades and the business savvy Thai are surprisingly handy with their English. If you get to a restaurant and it looks a bit different or funny compared to back home, feel free to bad mouth it willy nilly. Comment on the weird food that the locals are eating while you chow down on some French fries and a Starbucks coffee. If you do need to communicate with Thai people, make sure you speak really loudly. They only understand English at an extremely high volume. Just yell and they’ll understand you.

Patong bar and tattoo

Skip the Cultural Crap and Get Drunk Everyday

Forget the fact that you’ve come half-way around the world and that you could get drunk everyday back home if you wanted. Now beers and shots are so much cheaper, so what else are you going to spend your money on? A visit to the Grand Palace in Bangkok costs 500 baht, that’s at least 8 beers at Happy Hour! Besides, walking around in the sun when you’re hungover sucks, you’d be better off staying in that cool bar and nursing your head with a few extra brews.

Patong beach

If you can’t tell, this article was written in jest, based off some of the outrageous things we saw while traveling through Thailand. Even though this article is a joke (and we ourselves have had our fair share of cheap beers and scooter rides) it’s important to remember that when you come to a foreign country you should be respectful of local customs and laws. After you’ve come and gone, real people with real lives are still here. Do your part and travel responsibly 



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